Grief and Growth: Navigating the Pain of Letting Go
- Torre Boyd
- Mar 17
- 3 min read
Updated: Jun 1
We often hear phrases like "Cut them off!" and "Protect your peace!" while emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries. However, we rarely talk about the silent grief that comes with the choice to prioritize ourselves. The truth is, if it were easy, it wouldn’t hurt.
The Loss Inside the Choice
Choosing yourself can feel like a hollow victory. It may not feel empowering at the moment. Perhaps you recognize that a friend, family member, or long-time colleague was unhealthy for you. Their presence likely drained your energy and made you question your self-worth. So, you made the necessary choice to let go.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t miss them. You may replay the good moments in your mind, wondering if there could have been a different outcome. Letting go means accepting that the relationship you wished for is never going to happen. That's when grief sets in.
The Grief That No One Talks About
Grief isn't just for death; it encompasses every kind of loss. We grieve trust, hope, and shared experiences. Even if someone is still alive, you can mourn the relationship as you once knew it.
You feel grief when you realize someone won't change. You experience grief when you understand that love doesn't guarantee respect. And you feel grief when the people who should have cherished you simply didn’t.
Yet, despite everything, their absence lingers.
Honoring the Grief Without Undoing Your Growth
When grief creeps in, it's easy to reach out again. Doubts arise. Perhaps you think you were overreacting or that this time will be different. Going back on your decision is the hardest part, but it’s crucial to remain resolute.
Here are some ways to navigate through grief without sacrificing your growth:
Acknowledge the loss: Just because the decision was right doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, or disappointment. Mourning is a natural part of the process.
Resist the revisionist history: During grief, we often remember only the best times and ignore what made us walk away. Yes, there were wonderful moments, but don’t let nostalgia cloud your reasons for leaving.
Find closure within yourself: Not every ending comes with a neat resolution. You don’t always gain closure from others. Sometimes, closure is about deciding that you deserve more peace than you received in that relationship.
Fill the space with healing: The exit of someone can leave an emotional void. Fill that space with individuals who uplift you and hobbies that reconnect you to yourself. Practice self-compassion for the decision you had to make.
Remember: Grief is proof that you lived: You grieve because you loved and hoped for something better. That doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. It signifies your humanity.
The Other Side of Grief
Over time, the pain lessens. The urge to check in fades, and emotional noise settles into acceptance. You will eventually look at the life you built—a life filled with the peace you chose—and recognize that while grief served its purpose, healing has begun.
Standing firm on your decision doesn’t imply a lack of love for that person. It signifies that you also love yourself. And that form of self-love is what propels you forward.
Grief, in any form, remains grief. Healing is not a straightforward process. But remember: choosing yourself is always the right choice. You deserve peace and compassion. You deserve love that affirms your worth.
Reflect and Share
So, what’s one thing you’ve learned about letting go? Let's share our thoughts in the comments. 💛
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