Perfectionism is the need to appear to be perfect. An component of all or nothing mindset. A protective behavior, often brought on by early criticism. Sourced by a desire for love and belonging. And almost always occurring simultaneously with its fraternal twin whom we know and love, Anxiety. Existing constantly or in flares when the going gets tough. Whichever way you bag it, perfectionism is not for the weak nor any FUN in the long run.
A perfectionist will either decide to do something perfectly (and plan it impeccably I might add), or do nothing at all. At no benefit to the perfectionist (if you’re still reading, I’m guessing this could be you), perfectionism is and has been subconsciously reinforced by society－ making it even more difficult to navigate. Again, not to your benefit.
For so long the “beauty” that is perfectionism has been deemed positive, fruitful even. But seriously, is it?
I'm Torre Boyd, your realistic therapist and I'm here to tell you, No－ no it is not. Perfectionism is a lot like toting around a report card that only you get to evaluate. True, assessments can be helpful and even necessary. But if the evaluation is never ending and the grading rubric is always changing (and almost always never in favor of longevity) then is Perfectionism ever really.. Sustainable? Supportive?
As a perfectionist, you probably tell yourself things like:
“ I just like to do my best.”
“I hold myself to a high standard, and others should too.”
I think what you mean to say is: “I search for failure. ” And you know what? I bet you find it.
If any of this sounds like you and you find yourself checking off -- yes I know another checklist… I’m sure you loved that －four out of ten of the options listed in the graphic above, "Houston, we have a problem." But no worries, you're in good hands.
Being a perfectionist is nothing more than being a Master Problem Solver. Lucky for you, I have the Master Plan. I call it the Master Plan for the Master Problem Solver. Or The Master Plan for Perfectionist’s. Whichever you deem more fitting, either way, I’m here to help － no matter what phase of your journey.
With this blog I hope to help you along this thing called life as perfectionism can show up in a number of ways－ friendships, partnerships, entrepreneurship, the workplace, and home… Instead of feeding you “there is no perfection, only beautiful versions of brokenness”- quotes, I hope to help you embrace living LIFE and not a checklist.
Welcome to my no BS zone.
－Torre Boyd LPC